Two things

Now that I sit down and look back at myself, I realize that despite all the people I have met and all the education I received and all the good, bad and ugly experiences I have been through, there have only been two things that make sense to me. Everything else is relative. I find these to be the most fulfilling – the reasons for my total happiness: To love another with all my heart, and to make a difference.

I am the Guy who has dissected love for many months now. I am lucky enough to have seen it and felt it. I’d tell you now; there is nothing more satisfying in life than to love another. When love makes sense the whole world falls into place—every single thing. You build a connection. You show each other the darkest parts of yourselves without fearing that the other would run screaming for the hills. The best feeling you will ever experience is being completely vulnerable in front of someone without any fear.

The other is making a difference. No, I am not talking about opening up an orphanage, or giving millions of rupees in charity. Those are great; I am not undermining what great heroes in the past have done for us but I am not in the position and neither are most of us ordinary people. At the same time, I have never really wanted to go out and save the world either. To me, there is more comfort in touching someone when they are down, to hold someone’s hand when they are alone, to walk with them for a mile just because I can. To smile at someone with no strings attached. And to listen - we don’t listen. We hear but we don’t listen. We need to listen.

I like to touch. Human touch is very comforting—a friendly hug, a pat on the back, a mischievous nudge, a kiss. You’d be surprised at how people would react if you would just reach out and touch them.

You know, when I look at myself, I realize that I am only one, but still I am one. I see that I cannot do everything, but I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do something that I can do. So, I will touch. I will listen. I will kiss. And I will love.

Tough Choices

“Its not the chance we take, but the choice we make that determine our destiny. Choose Carefully.”

It’s starting all over again.

I am afraid that it is starting all over again.
You know, the stupid silly Hi's... the good nights and the good mornings...
The un-ending, time-flying conversations...
The caring and sharing...
I am afraid it is starting all over again.

Usually, life gives us choices. I firmly believe that one almost always have a choice. Sometimes it is a limited choice, still we have a choice. Mostly, we make these choices consciously, sometimes unconsciously but we do make them—almost every day. Whatever comes our way, whatever battle we have raging inside us, we have a choice. It's the choices that make us who we are, and we can always choose to do what's right.

I am trying to make a choice—make it consciously. I wonder how to resist. I wonder if I should resist. Should we resist when life presents us an opportunity which could turn out either good or bad? I have never been afraid of risks. But at the same time I am not very comfortable with putting others at risk with me.

But, what do you do? What do you do when someone so adorable wants to hold your finger and walk a mile with you? What do you do when they trust you to lead the way? What do you do when they look up to you? Respect you for who you are?

There are cute people in your life that would stick with you for the rest of time if you let them. You take it a step further and they will love you for they think you are awesome. But the question is: Do you want to do that? Would you not feel selfish?

Do you want to show them the dark hole of your personality? Are you ready to expose the scars you have been carefully hiding for ages and ages now? Is it time yet? Is it time to trust?

My scars, the scars I carry are still fresh. Healing process is a slow one I suppose. I am afraid that the wounds will open. When is it time to trust someone with our scars? When the scars are totally healed or when they are healing?

I am afraid I will be happy again. I am afraid to feel the pain. Please don’t touch my scars, I say.

I am afraid I am falling for the sweet surrender.
I am afraid it is starting all over again.

The world

Now there are two ways to look at it: The world as it is and the world as we would like it to be. Our problem is that we don’t look two ways. We either see the world as it is and are hopeless about it, or we see the world as we would like it to be and pursue unrealistic dreams.

But at the end of the day we all want the world as we would like it to be, right?
In order to make this world the way it should be, we need to be content with the world as it is. We need to learn to accept that things happen for a reason and instead of focusing on why it happened and what happened we need to focus on how it shouldn’t happen again, or how we could get out of the situation we are in.

Some people get angry at my opinions—Very angry. They claim I don’t know what I am talking about. Or I am too young to understand the world properly. People constantly try to correct me. Mostly not because they care, but because they don’t agree… because it bothers them to realize the truth—because they do not want to see the world as it is.

I’d tell you… it is hard to see the world as it is. I wish I could erase so many things from my life. So many people, so many decisions I have made. I wish I could undo all the times that I have been sick, and all the times I have cried hysterically. I wish the world was a happier place.

But tell you what; I can’t attain the happiness unless I am content with what I have—with how the world is. I cannot “wish” until I “accept”.

I know all this sounds really good in theory. It’s easier said than done. But at the end of the day, it is the only way to go. The sooner we understand it, the happier we will be.

Remember: It could always get worse
:-)

Reality

Sometimes we have very unrealistic expectations from people. But the interesting part is that they all seem very legitimate… until our heart is broken.

I have met a lot of different types of people in my life and among those there have been some who are just too cute to ignore. They have this strange innocence in them that attract you and you think they are like angels. You want to take care of them. Somehow you can’t help but smile at their innocent mistakes. You want to be a part of their sunny side. Unfortunately, the truth is that no one is like angels. If humans were like angels, then this world would be a very happy place and no one would have a broken heart.

Last night I cried because of a person I thought would never make me cry. Very idealistic, huh? I don't know why I would think that. Now when I sit down and think about it rationally I realize how unrealistic that is. I mean why could or would she not make me cry? Or why would I think that such circumstances could never arise?
We are but, two humans who can make poor choices and say the wrong words at the wrong time.

It happens sooner or later in any human relation. As I wipe my tears today and move on, I take a valuable lesson with me. Three words: KEEP IT REAL.
Yes, it is as simple as that. Keep everything very REAL. We don't realize it but emotions make everything so very cloudy. I’d make an effort to keep on blowing the fog away.

From my fair share of happiness and sorrows in my twenty living years, I learned that there is no NEVER and FOREVER in life. If there was a 'never' we would not be doing half the things we do today. If there were a 'forever', we would never die.

I would cry no more. My tears are too precious to be wasted on something.... so not REAL.

Struggle.

And sometimes you just want to give up because you are not making anything any better. Sometimes you just have to accept that you are not good enough… or do you?

I don’t get it. I can’t accept it. I want to fight. I need to fight.

I can’t live with myself knowing that I am not good enough. I know I am better than that, and no one should be able to tell me otherwise.

But then again, we give up. We give up on people, we give up on goals, and we give up on dreams.
Sometimes, we don’t have a choice, I know. Sometimes you don’t have time. Believe me I know.
But sometimes, I am afraid to give up. Wouldn’t it be so unfortunate if you figure out that you were so close to the finish line when you gave up?

I’d like to imagine that I am close to the finish line. I would be the worst person if I give up now.

No? Yes?

Regardless of the end result, don’t you think it is better to keep on fighting than giving up and sitting down all alone? Isn’t it better to at least have something to do for the rest of your life, even if it is just fighting with life, rather than having nothing to do and nothing to look forward to for as long as you live?

How truly miserable that life would be .

Paradox

He tells me I am heartless. He begs. He wants me to be with him.

His interactions with me range from accusing me of everything that is wrong with his life to how much he cannot even live a day without me. He tells me that he needs me and wants me to no end, that I should give him a chance to make me happy.

There are days when he tries to impress me. He tells me how wonderfully perfect I am and how much I make his life better. And then there are days when he cannot stop criticizing the same “wonderfully perfect” person. I listen to him. Perhaps, I shouldn’t but I have learned to be patient… and also be indifferent.

I know that he wants me but I know he does not love me. There is a difference between loving a person and loving the idea of a person. I know that at the end of it all, I am replaceable. I am a wonderful idea, but that is all I am. I know I will not amount to anything more.

Right now I am the best and the worst person—best for being ‘wonderfully perfect’ and worst for not reciprocating his emotions. But I know that he will *love* me until he finds someone else.

Can you blame me?

Making Mistakes

Making Mistakes

Here's the thing about mistakes. Sometimes, even when you know something's a mistake,
you gotta make it anyway.

Sometimes you have to touch that hot plate even though you know it will burn your hand.
Sometimes you have to get a hair color or a hair cut we know will look awful, but you
get it. Sometimes you have to taste the disgusting food to make it better the next time
you cook. Sometimes you have to forget your purse in a restaurant so you can learn to
be less forgetful the next time. Sometimes you have fall for the wrong person in order
to find the right person for yourself.

Sometimes you have to make the mistake in order to avoid making it the next time around.A mistake is simply another way of doing things.Someone gave a very good analogy: What do you first do when you learn to swim? You make mistakes, don’t you? And what happens? You make other mistakes, and when you have made all the mistakes you possibly can without drowning - and some of them many times over - what do you find? That you can swim? Well - life is just the same as learning to swim!
Do not be afraid of making mistakes, for there is no other way of learning how to live!
You know, there are certain things in life where you know it's a mistake but you don't
really know it's a mistake because the only way to know that it really is a mistake is
to make that mistake and go, "Yup, that was a mistake".So really, the bigger mistake
would be to not make the mistake because then you'll go about your whole life not
knowing whether it was a mistake or not. Got it?