God's passivity

God's process is turning out to be more and more fun with every passing day. sometime, in the last 3 years, I realized that the amount of hard work and passion I was putting into my work was a lot more than most of the other people. however most of the times the results I would get were less than or same as the others. in my opinion I wanted the ultimate glory coz I knew that the hard work put was the maximum. there were times when I felt that I never got that love and affection back from the people the way I had given them. I gave them pure love from my heart and soul but I could only find apathy and disinterest from their side. comparison had now become an intrinsic part of me. comparison with people, with circumstances… comparison on the basis of everything. since I was going out of my way to achieve things, I wanted everything else to work out for me perfectly.
all this was because my same old obsession with idealistic behavior. and yet again, I suffered. there was then this time when I started questioning his activity. I never questioned his existence though. he was always there. but I would always question how it worked for him.. and it is now that I was re initiated in my life.
also, to understand human is not as difficult or or even half as pleasurable as understanding god. be it the product or the process. human gives you a lot of love, happiness at the very time of the action, in the present, whereas in case of god, we have to literally wait till eternity. but we need to understand that this happiness is short lived and it follows the same old law of nature where a fruit undeniably goes through different phases, from a bud, to a raw fruit, to a sweet and ripe one to a dry and rotten one. and here it depends on you how you can try your best to preserve that fruit. where as, the love for god is a tree which we have to nurture in the heart. no matter how long it will take to grow, eventually, it is going to give out sweet flowers. like happiness, everything , every relationship, every feeling, just everything is short lived… and that’s how it is meant to be by nature. when one understands this, life becomes easy to deal with.
when I entered work, I was very focused to my goal, for a long time, however, I did get lost. making friends having fun making myself happy and yes, becoming successful in everything I did became the sole goals of my life. in this period, I forgot the basics details of such relationships and let myself free to vulnerability and allowed all the people and all the things around to affect me.
however, I am glad I learned… and I am not ok with the idea of making more mistakes since this way I know always takes you back, with open arms and god supports you no matter what. but, the simple need of the hour I understand over here is that I have little time to get back to god, the time of just one lifetime and I want to use it not in making mistakes, but in making an attempt to understand him, for if I know him well, he will be willing as eager to accept me to his world with nothing but a smile on his face.