Escaping Reality

When I was a kid and something bothered me, I ran away from it. I used to find an escape and pretended that nothing was wrong. That is why I was the most easy going child whose smile everyone loved. The sad part is that I still do. I run away. I don’t want to think about it. I don’t want to speculate what may or may not happen. I talk, I chat. I laugh, I party. I do anything and everything that would keep my mind off of my fears, off of people I have loved and off of reality.

It’s just my way of ‘dealing’ with situations.

I wonder how many other people do the same. I wonder how many of us try to pretend that everything is normal and exactly at the place that it is supposed to be.

But reality hits me in the late night hours when I try to lay myself in the bed without the two strong arms that used to hold me. Reality comes back when I mutter a prayer for you under my breath. It all comes back to me when your voice echoes in my ears—when your face encircles my vision—when you take over.

Deceiving myself will not take me anywhere. I know it. But still I try to deceive myself. I try to keep myself in the illusion that you are not a part of me, that I am not yours, when the fact is that each bone in my body yearns for you and every beat of my heart calls out your name and with each breath I take, I miss your presence.

Life is never as complicated as we, ourselves make it.
I wonder why....